As we walk through life, a lot of bad things happen. Struggles come and some we get through better than others. As we grow, we learn to live. Despite the hurt and pain, we often bury it deep inside. We never deal with it.
This works for awhile but unfortunately, eventually those issues will raise up when something comes to trigger them. The memory and emotions that were never dealt with can still affect us. This is especially true if we aren’t even aware they exist.
We let something another individual says or does “get to us” and start reacting. This is when we need to stop and “listen” to what we are feeling. And yes, it usually “manifest” as a feeling and not as a cognitive thought. Sometimes we suddenly get a “flash” of a picture or memory from our past. It can feel like it hits us “upside the head,” so to speak.
It is in this moment, with both the feeling and the memory, that we need to stop right away. We must pause before we lash out in a totally unwarranted way. Even if you feel like the person deserves what you’re about to say or do, take a step back. At the very least, pause and think. It’s time to examine why you are getting so upset. A trigger can often be a lie. A lie about the facts of the memory and skewing how we are interpreting what is happening at the moment.
Over time, I have realized that what upsets us often has nothing to do with the current situation. It is connected to a past experience with someone who mattered. An emotion or need that mattered and we perceive still matters. We were not “validated”, heard, appreciated, treated right, and the list goes on.
These feelings were often pushed down after being “ignored”. They weren’t addressed or dealt with and so they are still there controlling us.
We need to realize something important. When we carry around old hurts and pain, they are like dragging around a ball and chain.
Letting go and forgiving someone who has done us wrong does NOT affect the other individual at all! It only continues to destroy your peace and often ability to function.
I had wonderful counselors over the years. They taught me that I am letting someone else “rent space in my head.” I allow them to control how I see myself when I buy into what they said or did.
I don’t have to accept and believe what someone else says about me or how they treat me.
However, I do have the power to not let them steal my joy any more.
I can choose what I believe about myself and the circumstances.
I can seek good positive counseling from individuals who can help me. They can teach me to love and accept myself. I can also work through or put aside what has happened to me in the past. I can then learn to have “blinders on” from the past. I will focus on the future and create what I want in my life.
I do not have to base my feelings and emotions on how I was / am labeled. I may have limitations in many areas. I may have been called names. I may have been ignored or discounted.
I can choose to look in the mirror and see a person who is beautiful and capable. I can choose to speak good over and to myself. I can choose to let go of the negative remarks said to me. I can also choose to ignore negative things about me. This applies to those from my own thoughts as well.
I can choose to see and list all the good about myself. Focus on what I have accomplished and who I really am deep within.
At this time, if I find things I don’t like about myself, I can choose to change them. If there are actions I dislike, I can change those too. I can become who I’d like to be and be seen as.
The first step is to start writing down who I am.
My good characteristics.
My abilities.
My accomplishments.
My desires.
The way I want others to see and know me.
I can know that I am loved by God – accepted totally and completely.
That those things that aren’t so “wonderful” can be adjusted and replaced.
I can call into my life, mind, body and soul; the good, find peace and joy.
I can become a duck and let things roll off of me like the rain.
I can make a decision to not let anyone or anything steal my joy.
I can walk away and rebuke what I hear and replace it with positive thoughts.
I can bless them and release them to let God deal with them.
I can use my own power to override what is bothering me.
I can let go of all the hurt and pain from the past or even current.
I can release others who have wronged me to gain freedom and peace within my soul.
I can choose my reactions and in turn my path in life from this point on.
My son said to me one time as I was struggling with guilt and regrets. The past is the past and is called that for a reason. It’s over. It’s done with. Let it go. What matters is the now and where we go from here.
When you can grasp that and understand that the past does not have to define us. We can learn from it and embrace what we have made it through.
We can conquer all the negative from the past and throw it all away.
We can move on to create a good and beautiful life with freedom from the old “voices in our head”.
Is this easy?
No, not really.
Is it worth it?
Absolutely!
It takes strength and courage. It takes making the decision and putting it in to motion.
I can and will change how I see myself. I will “accept the things I cannot change” in others or in the past.’
I can choose freedom from negativity and choose peace.
Choose to turn from the past. Start a new “life” with a mindset that frees you from the hurt and pain. Bless the ones who have done you wrong. Release them and find a freedom you never thought possible.
Blessings as you walk out this journey to joy.
